Communication. How ironic that as our communication tools increase, communication itself seems to become more complicated by the day!

I got reminded of this recently during a conversation that completely bowled me over. Perhaps it has happened to you too:

You’re having a seemingly innocent, but intense discussion with someone. You’re enjoying the interaction, and the topic. Perhaps even a topic you feel strongly about. And then WHAM – you just hit a nerve and suddenly, instead of healthy debate or even camera die, you’re beginning to notice a definite strain in the communication.

Of course there are many reasons for this, and even more viewpoints. Below are some of my less common beliefs around communication. Perhaps see if some of them ring true for you:

If someone presses your button…

…it may be because you have a button to press! Pay attention to the feelings that appear in your body when you receive information. Notice an immediate reaction? What kind of reaction? This is a massive clue for a personal growth point and what perhaps may need to worked on, so do not let the opportunity pass you by!

Never, ever make assumptions

One of the key agreements for life as defined by Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements. Always stay open. You do not have all the information. In fact, you are robbing yourself of a different perspective and definite growth by shutting out other possibilities because you assume. And you’re likely to make an ass of yourself on top of that.

You have not communicated until you have verified the other party’s understanding

Double check and triple check. Not so much in words, but in what you receive back from the other party. This may take work, as we subconsciously communicate things which we are unaware of (by the nature of it being subconsciously). Carl Jung spoke of transference and counter-transference. Without going into psychoanalysis, a big clue is to see what you’re getting back, and use that to help you understand.

Only a fraction of communication is verbal

A while back I was on a mindfulness retreat. One of the activities was a silent breakfast. It was amazing how people turned into complete idiots just because they were not allowed to use verbal communication. Whereas when we are using words, we really actually pay way more attention to tone of voice, body language and contextualization. Makes one think doesn’t it!

Vibration is key

The previous point mentioned communication above and beyond words. So sometimes you just know. Nothing you can put your finger on. Nothing has to be said. It is called intuition. Yet so often we completely ignore it. Let what you want to say take a back seat for a minute and drop into what you perceive. And no, this is not an “airy fairy” point and stop hiding behind your ‘logical’ brain here, everything IS energy.

People have their own truths, and it may not fit your “truth”

It is my belief that many, many misunderstandings, even wars, would have been prevented if we realised this. If four people stood on four different corners watching the same accident, you would get four different stories. And all of them would be true. Yet when we communicate we become convince ours is the only truth. (Besides, even our own “truths” only hold until we adopt a new “truth”!)

Our words are far more powerful than we realise

Even though they make out only a fraction of communication, words really are very powerful. This will become even more so in time to come. Be careful how and when you use them. Imagine your words as having life of its own, and become aware of their power. Would you still use them as loosely if you you know their power??

About the Author:

Celeste Du Toit is a transformational Life Coach, NLP practitioner, healer and speaker, based in Westville, Durban. She runs individual, professional and online coaching programs, workshops and retreats.

Celeste is passionate about working with people to bring about change, take control, lead a more fulfilled life and overcome limiting beliefs that may prevent them from reaching their full potential.

Connect with Celeste on via email  or visit