Why is self-love so difficult for most people?
There is this line of thinking that to love ourselves, we need to first accept ourselves. Work on accepting all of you, the good and the bad. And then love might follow.
It sounds helpful and most of us would see merit in that.
So then why is it so hard to love ourselves?
Man-made religious construct preaches that we are inherently flawed; a lie that we were brainwashed with in our formative years, and that had been embedded and passed on in generational trauma. Strong chains of conditioning told us that focusing on ourselves is “selfish”. To accept – and possibly even LOVE – who and what we are, conflicts with our natural strive to grow, to improve, and to learn. Somewhere down the line, lost in translation, we confused “acceptance” with passivity and resignation. And our ingrained aversion to misplaced pride and arrogance, our natural desire to be of service to others, alienated us from the concept of loving ourselves.
Yet for many, acceptance sound much more doable than LOVING. An easier start.
And so the long, arduous process begins to recognise, understand, and finally, undo the myriad conditions, indoctrinations, associations, and wounds. A courageous and vulnerable, messy, non-linear struggle to unearth the conscious, unconscious, and sub-conscious add-ons that we have obtained throughout lifetimes.
A journey I commend. And that I know first-hand.
But today, we need radical LOVE to change the state of this world. We need options and alternatives.
We need QUANTUM JUMPS.
So I want to suggest a radical line of thinking, for those who feel ready:
What if we start by being PROUD of ourselves? Forget acceptance. Restore RIGHTFUL PRIDE. I can say HONOUR, but I want to go full hog and restore PRIDE. Pride had had a very bad rap for eons. After all, it was named as one of the original seven sins.
Hear me out…
Imagine a PRIDE of lions… power animals in their full prowess, their splendid spirit embodied, fiercely rooted in their knowledge of their strength, owning their magnificence. Where none of the negative connotations around pride applies
When you look up the origin of the word PRIDE, you will see that the meaning shifts from ‘personal honour’ and ‘splendour’, to ‘unreasonable self-esteem’ and ‘haughtiness’.
So, what if we throw out all the conditioned and inherited associations, and start by lifting our heads up and restoring our innate and rightful pride?
Rightful pride doesn’t boast. Boasting is a co-dependent need, stemming from unworthiness.
Rightful pride doesn’t required acknowledgement or visibility. It is enough in itself.
Rightful pride is not about people-pleasing or gaining brownie points. It far surpasses this type of smallness and self-sabotage.
Rightful pride is not smug or secretive. It is an open book.
Rightful pride doesn’t tolerate ego-centric judgements. It flattens bickering, gossip or envy with its greatness.
Rightful pride is a way of showing up to yourself that speaks to the innate splendour and divinity that you are.
Rightful pride is courageous enough to stand up for itself and show itself fully, in all its glory.
Rightful pride is centered and humble. It is the KNOWING that you are the sacred chalice through which Divinity flows.
It reveals itself in you, the company you keep, and your environment.
It is fuelled by integrity, honour, and another misunderstood concept, DEVOTION. It means carrying yourself with reverence, and to let that show – through the way you hold yourself, present yourself, speak, dress, and behave – even when no one is watching!
Does it sound daunting to own my magnificence? Certainly!
Does it feel scary to show my splendour? For sure.
Do I know exactly how to do this? Certainly not.
Am I prepared to be rightfully proud regardless? YES!
Of course, this is also a journey. It may require a hell of a lot of shadow-work and healing. It can point to enormous amounts of generational and ancestral trauma. It certainly will present challenges and questions. It most definitely will require a different way of being and embodiment. And very possibly, a hell of a lot of alienation. It will ruffle feathers.
To restore rightful pride in ourselves, we need to be ready for rightful pride. We need tons of courage. It is not for the faint-hearted or the small-minded.
Radical. Powerful. Unfaltering.
And perhaps, just what we need.
Still hard, but, as they say, you choose your hard….
Celeste Du Toit is a Transformational Coach and Holistic Therapist.
She is known for her deep work on thought patterns and the manifestation thereof on our spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being, and her self-awareness and empowerment workshops and retreats help people align with their true purpose and ZEST for life.
Her focus and earth mission is to help heal individual and planetary misalignment and shadows, to assist with the evolution of consciousness.